1.11.07

Yesterday was the crappiest day for me. I was so emotional about it that I couldn't even sit down and type it out. I know a lot of people don't read this blog but it feels good to just sit down and type out my feelings.

Mark was supposed to get his report card. I was mentally prepared (so I thought) for the usual comments. Behavior, listening, blah blah blah. I even called the audiologist to see about getting his CAP (Central Auditory Processing) test done. She hasn't called me back yet. I even got online and researched ADD. Next step with him is to his pediatrician. Steve refuses to consider that he could possibly be ADD and WILL NOT "medicate" his kid. So, I am in this alone. I WILL do what is best for him. My "mother's instinct" is telling me to pursue this and that there is something "there". He is NOT a bad kid. So, yesterday he gets in the car and no report card. no new AR book. His classwork came home again to be completed because he didn't do it in school. So, that put me in such a bad/depressed mood. Enter Oprah. I never watch Oprah. I never have the TV on. But I decided to lay across my bed in my "downer" mood and I flipped it on. The rabbi from "Shalom In the Home" was on talking about families. OMG. That first family could have been mine. I was seeing my own family on TV. A family with four kids just like me and two parents on different levels. He pointed out that they were six individuals living in a house not a home. I started bawling. I watched that show from start to finish and really had a good look at my own family. My kids are spoiled and sometimes disrespectful. So, I told Steve that it stops. I am the mom and wife in this family and not the maid, cook. chaeffer, etc. I have no time for myself because I am consumed with everyone else. I love to scrapbook. I have a room to do it. But do I? No. Because when I am ready to sit down at 9 o'clock at night to spend time on it, I am too tired--no exhausted. I love spending time scrapbooking. It's one of the only things I do for myself that I really and truly enjoy.

So, today starts change. First thing I did was ask Steve to drive Mark to school and walk him into the classroom. I wanted him to find out where the report card is and why he keeps bringing the same AR book home everyday. He was NOT thrilled but I pointed out that if I did it, Mark wouldn't think anything of it. He is more afraid of Steve and tries harder to please him. So, today dad for the first time drove him to school. I was thrilled to see him do it. He needs to do it more often. Steve is so checked out and consumed with the stress of his job that he has alienated himself from us. I told him that. He was brought up in a home where mom did everything, dad worked. Dad was not handy. Dad was not involved with the daily running of the household and schoolwork. Total opposite of my family. So, I see him turning into his dad. I love my FIL but I couldn't be married to him. But, they just celebrated 46 years of marriage so it works for them. But, I don't want to go down that path. I want a 50-50 partnership.

Okay, enough whining Today is a better day! I am not going to look backward but forward. It's not too late for changing my ways. I actually am meeting a friend at 9 am at Panera for breakfast. I can't wait to have a conversation other than carpools, homework and kids. Real grown up talk.

Tomorrow my friend Patti arrives from Cincinnati. We have been friends for 17 years. She has had a rough last year with her divorce and all. 22 years of marriage and two kids! It was devastating for everyone. Her family has been part of mine and vice versa. Her hubby had a mid life crisis and thought "the grass was greener on the other side". Boy, was he wrong. So she is flying down for 12 days. She is an avid scrapbooker like me so we will have many late nights of scrapping. I can't wait. The thought of having someone in the house to talk with.............And best of all, getting to scrapbook..............

Well, time to get my day started. Have a wonderful Thursday! The weekend is almost here.